Ruminations: "*Thy* will be done..."

aka "You Can't Always Get What You Want...And You Don't Always Deserve It, Either"

One of the most worthwhile and selfless things I've been able to do in my prayer life may seem at the outset to be obvious to some...Yet in reality, it can be very, very hard.

Namely, surrendering to God completely, especially when we want something.

Because when we ask the Lord to help us out....

*sigh*

Let's face it. We human beings are a selfish bunch. And trust me. I know from selfish. I'm an only child. In my lifetime, as much as I try to defend it...I've been spoiled with a capital "S".

This fact has yielded both blessings and curses.

On the bright side, it has fueled my sense of focus and ambition. When it comes to what I want, I am not afraid to ask.

At the same time, my getting my way has proven to be detrimental. When I can't get what I want in this life, I may hem and haw and pout. Figuratively and, sometimes, still, literally.

It took losing someone for me to surrender my sense of...selfish.

I think it's sad that a death had to occur before I started to put things into perspective. And yet if that's what it took for me to see...Then the loss was not in vain.

Because no matter what we want, regardless of what we do...No matter how we may try to manipulate circumstances...Or ask that the Lord would do so in our stead...We don't hold the keys to our destiny. Only God does.

And I'm convinced that we don't have the right to push when he says pull.

Some of you might think I'm a moron for saying this. You might say to yourselves, "But, neofundamental, I know what God has in store for me...He has revealed it all...Now it's up to me to bring the heat and make it happen."

To you, I offer a challenge.

Forget what you think ought to happen in your life. If you've been around in Christian circles, I'm sure you've heard this well-worn axiom:

God is in control.

At this time, I ask you to consider it. Seriously, as if your life depended on it.

Because it does.

I realize that for a time you may struggle and resist. "I know how this story is supposed to go..."

Look.

I know what it's like to have a vision for your life. I know what it's like to have a focus. But think of this simple illustration from my own life:

Unless you've been living under a rock, if you've been with me for a while, you know that my passion has been teaching.

I got into my first choice for teacher's college, blah, blah, blah...I'm a hellacoolwicked teaching superstar.

And I am. ;)

But I graduated in June. Since then, save for a few tutoring positions, I've been having a terrible time trying to get a job. I've had a few interviews. NOTHING has panned out.

Interestingly...I think my level of faith at this point is reflected in my attitude.

Back in the day, I would've been all depressed and angry. Statements like "God...What're you trying to do to me?...What did I ever do to you? What did I ever do to deserve this level of CRAP in my life?" would have swirled in my head.

Instead, my mind is, for the most part, at ease. I have been asking, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me?" No matter how hard the situation, I am convinced that there are lessons to be learned. Because in spite of what I think and how I may feel...God knows (literally) what I've been through. And quite frankly, the following may be what he's thinking:

1) Perhaps I need a rest. Seriously. I didn't miss a beat nearly all summer.

OR...

Here's a hard one that I contemplated resisting...

2) Perhaps he wants me to do *gasp* something else. I've always thought I was a talented, versatile human being. Opportunities could easily arise in other avenues.

In the end, will I be heartbroken if I don't get any time in front of a class?

Yes and no.

The thought of teaching and being able to touch young people's lives has filled my heart for so long now...I'm terribly disappointed that I'm not in front of a class this very minute.

On the other hand, God has known my end from my beginning. He created me. This life is meant to go according to his plan. Not mine.

So what do I say to you who remain determined to have your way...Because, after all...It's YOUR life?

I promise you this: The more you fight what God wants, the more likely you are to meet what my mom refers to as a person's "Balaam's Donkey".

For those of you who don't know, Balaam was...Well...You can read about him here. Pay attention to the part that starts with "The next morning..." .

Essentially, Baalam's the poster child for people who want what they want, over and above what the Lord has in mind.

So once and for all. Give IT up. Whatever IT is.

Father knows best.