Just last night

I was thinking, "Know what? You need to get a hobby."

Then I came to my senses and realized that I've already got a ton. (Writing, teaching myself guitar, knitting, etc.) Somehow though, over the last while I've neglected them all. And for what? Apparently, nothing more than passion.

Nothing sexual, mind you. Rather, lately I find I've been simply consumed by my feelings...This notion that I need to be doing something more than the usual, everyday, pointless dance. I have a lot of ideas that are struggling to manifest themselves. Yet many of them seem to center around my current love. Teaching.

A few weeks ago I was in Toronto running errands. (I'm prepping for the coming school year, going to earn my Bachelor of Education, yadda, yadda, yadda. There are a couple of entries about my teachers' college angst somewhere.)

I went with a friend to the Bishop and Belcher for dinner. We were doing the usual...Getting reacquainted and so on.

And she said, "So, Ms. N, Why teaching...?" Not to insult me, or assault me. Rather, out of curiosity.

My response? "I need to do something real with my life before I'm 30."

Folks, don't let my pithy response fool you. Instead, let me pause for a minute. I need to sulk over The Futility That Was My 20s...

Sometimes I can't help being melancholy. Much of what's happened over the past few years has been a complete and utter waste. At least career-wise. I've made friends with some wonderful people. And believe me, you guys, if you're reading this, you should know that I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world.

But other than that...?

Fuggeddaboutit.

I joined a few organizations, networked at a few parties. Aside from that, I got absolutely nowhere.

I take that back. Two positive shifts took place.

I became a published author. Every now and then I write for marlo magazine.

Most significantly, in 2003, I took a TESL course. Thanks to my practicum sessions, I discovered that I actually do have something to contribute as an educator.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still interested in writing and music. And every now and then I smile when I get an idea for a film. But there's something about teaching. I figure if you're going to get a "real" job, you might as well enjoy it. And teaching is probably the most genuine, positive thing I could do with my otherwise aimless life.

I think I said it best in a rant I once wrote: Teaching is a profession that embraces both my intellect and ambition. It's fulfilling in more ways than I can count.

Thus in my current unemployed state, I have the feeling my next few entries are going to be extremely introspective. I'll probably yammer on endlessly about my current love.

Stay tuned...