The Latest?

I haven't updated in a while. Gah!

Um...


Let's see. What to tell you...? What can I say...?

This Thursday various universities in Ontario, Canada will mail their acceptance/rejection letters to Teachers' College hopefuls. For a little while now, I've been preparing an alternative plan. Not merely in case I don't get in. And not just because I have doubts about whether or not my applications were successful. Rather, because I'm not certain that I ought to go just yet.

In my life it's becoming evident that I need to embark on an adventure of sorts. Preferably one that will lead to personal advancement and intellectual self-exploration. Among other things, I can sense this need in my personality. (Although in my late 20s, I don't feel as though I know who I really am as an individual. I find this highly disturbing. Especially as there are people who are younger than me who possess a greater sense of self.) I still want to teach. However I'm not 100% positive that Teachers' College will give me the awakening that I need. At least, not right now.

I'm thinking of pursuing what originally put me on the path to wanting to become a school teacher--ESL teaching. Currently that's what I do for a living. However everything about my present position is marginal. I want a complete experience, involving cultural immersion.

Thus I've begun a sort of "side" operation. In addition to my newfound love of grammar (mentioned in an earlier post), I've been working on cover letters and polishing my resume. I also started a database in MS Access--of school addresses.

One way or another, I am determined.

I need to steer my own destiny. (I say "steer" because--thank God--I now believe that at times it's best to simply pursue a "direction"...And let things evolve thereafter.) Everyone expects me to go to teachers' college. It's what I've told them about in email conversations, on the phone...It's what I've chirped about ever since last autumn. And I used to be very keen on going. But that fervor has died down tremendously. At one point I panicked: "What if I don't' get in!?!"

But you know something?

I will not be broken. I already have a BA in English Literature. Rejection from another institution cannot take that away from me. It cannot destroy my health or my future prospects.

Furthermore, a Bachelor's Degree in Education cannot guarantee one a perfect future. Spending time with professional teachers taught me that the profession's rumored job security is exactly that--a rumor. Nothing is guaranteed. No matter what job you have.

And so, I wait.

Depending on the type of postal service the schools use, I could get some responses as early as Friday. I expect to know everything by April the 7th.

In other news...?

I see that in my previous entry, I referred to Dorian Grey, of The Picture of... As a bit of a jerk. That word doesn't do his cruelty justice. I haven't been giving the novel the attention that I should have. (Which is a shame, as it should be a short, quick read.) Still, as I progress, I seem to remember him as being vile and wretched. A bastard, really.

Ah well. No matter.

Off to bed...