I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

And sometimes I wonder what it is.

I'm still in an in-between, unemployed stage. Still seeking fulfillment. Taking time to observe life all around me in all of its incarnations.

I've thought about, and plan on spending a little more time offline. There were two days last week when I was on the internet for about eight hours. I applied for a job or two, but I didn't really accomplish anything. I didn't even work on my first love--writing. I just sort of...loligagged.

As I get older I become more and more aware of how precious time truly is.

I also realize that a part of me is afraid to be alone.

More than alone.

I remember a line from All I Really Want by Alanis Morissette: "Why are you so petrified of silence?"

Why am I?

Perhaps I fear accomplishing my destiny.

I can't do the simplest chores without being accompanied by the radio or TV. It's weird...Like I really am afraid of something.

Lately I've felt strong impulses to abandon my high-tech, internet-radio-television-hotmail-lovin' routine. When I was younger, before all of this, I amused myself in quieter, more fulfilling ways. I certainly wrote a lot more.

I think in the days to come, this is what I'll do...

Aside from the essentials--checking my email--I don't really need to be online. But I love to explore.

I think I'll try putting myself on a two-hour limit. Believe me. Compared with my usual time wasting, that's progress...