My Fellow Canadians! (And *Others*)

Take heart, for I have not forsaken you.

Our Righteous Leader, Prime Minister Paul Martin, has called an election for June 28th. And though I know he'll win, it'll be fun watching others try to kick his...butt.

In case you're wondering what I think of the state of voting in this country, read this.

For those who aren't familiar with Canadian politics, I'm going to give you a run-down of the candidates. At least, as I know them. (Keep in mind that I know NOTHING about politics.)


Paul Martin of the Liberal Party.

(American Equivalent? Democrat.)

Involved by default in the Sponsorship Scandal, aka Sponsorgate(TM Some News Reporter). To summarize...A lot of taxpayers' cash was misspent. (And if you've never heard of it, "misspent" is just a nice way of saying "wasted".)

Somehow Paul wants us to believe he had nothing to do with it. Personally, I think he's being honest. There are people who could have acted without his knowledge. However his initial declarations of innocence seemed a bit dodgy: When the clandestine monetary dealings went down, he was our country's Finance Minister.

Odds? : Rick Mercer once did a comedic presentation called "Why the Liberals Will Rule Canada FOREVER". I couldn't help agreeing with him. (And I can't find it online, otherwise I'd have linked to it.) Sponsorgate aside, Paul Martin hasn't really done anything objectionable. At least, as far as I know. In a recent newscast, I heard that the Liberal Party has governed Canada for 68 out of 100 years. Plus, Paul's plan presents pleasant promises (hee!). He kicked things off with his plans for our nation's healthcare. I expect more goodies to come.


Stephen Harper of the Conservative Party.

(American match? Probably Republican.)

Stephen Harper Said, as set up by the Liberals, does not paint a favorable picture. Mr. Martin recently stated that "...Harper wants to do to Canada what Mike Harris did to [the Province of] Ontario".

Who, pray tell, is Mike Harris?

Lord have mercy.

*wincing at the memory*

For the Americans--and other readers--picture, if you will, a leader who did not seem to care a whit about the needs of his constituents. Someone who had a one-track minded approach to running your country, even if it meant that he was sending it straight down, into the fiery pits of--

What's that, Toto? So you do understand why Steven Harper could be bad, bad, bad for Canada.

Yes. *rubs hands together* Very bad indeed

*cue evil laughter*

Odds? : Canadians as a whole don't know a great deal about Mr. Harper. His party is very new, as is his leadership. And if you're going with the Tried 'n True School of Voting, sometimes the Devil You Know...Has more reliable horns.


Jack Layton of the NDP (New Democratic Party)

(American equivalent? Unknown.)

Jack is very dapper. He's very dedicated. He's always struck me as a very passionate leader. Olivia Chow is his intelligent, accomplished wife. She's also a politician. Sweet, sly Rick Mercer once said that Layton reminded him of a porn star from the 70s.

I...can't comment. I was a toddler in the 1970s. Porn for me back then would've involved Ken kissing Barbie.

Nevertheless, Jack seems intelligent and affable. He has ideas, but I don't know what most of them are. (My fault, not his.) The one thing I heard yesterday is that he plans to exempt our poorer citizens from paying income tax. The faith Mr. Layton has in his convictions seems infectious. Overall, I like Jack Layton. But I don't know him well enough to say he's a keeper.

Odds? : Jack Layton's an experienced leader with some excellent achievements. I think (hope!) people will vote for him before taking a chance on Harper.


Gilles Duceppe of the Bloc Quebecois (That's BLOk Keh-BECK-Kwa to you, Buster.)

(American Equivalent? None that I can think of.)

And here's where we get to play Imagine.

Pretend that there's a governor of one of the United States' states with a--Capital A--Agenda. S/he wants to preserve said state's heritage. Say...California, or Texas, or...New York. Let's suppose previous governors had strove to have that state's originality recognized and failed.

Well, not exactly.

The SpecialState has already been considered unique via the Nation's culture and history. SpecialState has its own language which All Americans MUST Learn--at least until they start high school. In public places in SpecialState, such as a store or a bar, you might get ignored--or be treated rudely--unless you speak SpecialStateLanguage (SSL). And even if you do...In some instances you may still be treated with disdain. After all. Just because you use the correct SSL grammar and syntax, that doesn't mean you actually speak with the voice of a Native Speaker.

Trust me. SpecialState's citizens can tell.

It's all in the accent.

And just because you're American, that doesn't make you good enough for SpecialState. Because there is, in case you couldn't guess, one thing that SpecialState has wanted but never gotten. The true hallmark of SpecialState's uniqueness. Independence. And believe me. SpecialState wants its independence. Since yesterday.

Welcome to the world of Quebec, as it relates to the rest of Canada. I will admit it. I have never been there. I've stated a few generalizations in my SpecialState example that need to be clarified. I should point out that I'm sure most Quebecers aren't linguistic snobs. Many of them don't want to separate from the rest of Canada. And I loved studying French. I took it for years after it was mandatory. And I miss it.

But over the years I’ve been exposed to various news items, Political Science text books, first hand accounts of attitudes in La Belle Province, and...I'm Canadian, born and raised. If you can make it here past the age of 25 without hearing the words October Crisis and knowing that there's a faction that still wants "Quebec for Quebecers" then...

Then take me to your planet. If even for just. one. day.

What's this got to do with an election? Gilles Duceppe still wants His Land for His People. That's certainly the impression I have. I couldn't find a single link in English on the Bloc's web site. And there are Anglophones in Quebec.

You never know. There could be an Anglo who supports the Francophone separatists' cause. Or at least would like to read about it.

Odds? : I don't know who will vote for the Bloc Quebecois aside from Quebec Sovereigntists. I haven't thought about what will happen if they obtain the requisite amount of seats to impact our Nation's Capital. I just want to learn French and eat poutine.

*ducks*

*Please don't hate me. I'm poor. And I'm just teasing.

That, in a nutshell is what I know about our current election's candidates. Writing this post just reminds me of how much I have to learn...

*hangs head*