Elsewhere I was complaining about the state of relations re young Christian men and women.
The Lovely Lisa wrote this bit of
fantabulousness:
“…It's not everyone, but I think the majority of Christian men I know were raised to think that their ultimate purpose is to be king of some girl's household(1) and the steward of the feminine mystery(2) or whatever-- with the result that all these guys are scared as hell of women. And the women were raised to think that their ultimate purpose is to become a WIFE(3), and they're scared as hell of being left behind unwanted(4). The result? Everyone is afraid of one another(5), we can't work together(6), and Sex is the Big Bad that we're all obsessed with and afraid of(7). So instead of getting anything done for the Kingdom like brothers and sisters(8), we waste our time fretting about dating, sex, and being alone(9).”
These words got my mind racing. The above paragraph is rife with excellent material. I’ve numbered my ramblings, as though they were footnotes. Enjoy!
1) What
are Christian men taught these days about women, save for the fact that they’re supposed to marry us? (Better yet, what are we taught about men?) Please, please, for the love of Pete, don’t go solely by what you read in
Every Man’s Battle. (Or
Wild at Heart—a book that I actually like.) If
EMB is anything like
Every Women’s Battle, then we’re in trouble, because the feminine struggles depicted in
EWB aren’t representative of any of the women I that I know.
Among the most annoying Christian myths about women? Supposedly, we don’t have libidos. Or we
do, but the only way a man can turn us on is if he takes out the trash. It only gets stupider from there...
Do Christian men get told anything about us other than they have to be prepared because we women are some sort of...Obligation? They've got to support us financially, give us sex...Er...I mean "affection"...But only
when and
in the manner in which we expect it...Blah blah blahcakes.
Look, boys and girls....
Stop reading books about how we are, or who we’re supposed to be. Get out there, and LIVE! Get to know each other. Like it or not, honest or otherwise, what we ingest shapes our thinking. If you’re gonna read anything, consider the scriptures. Everything else pales in comparison.
2) Re "steward of the feminine mystery". Something about that phrase cracks me up. I have an image in my head of a man. His voice is stern, saying, "I am Edward, keeper of Angela's panties". Yet I know what Lisa means, in that the image I mentioned might as well be a real one, for all of the ridiculousness that's out there.
What do women expect from men? I can’t speak for my sisters. As for me, I want a guy who isn’t afraid to be…A guy.
Meanwhile, I wonder what gentlemen want in return.
3) <*whispering*>I don’t actually have a problem with being a wife. I’d love (LOVE!) to be a SAHM. But. [And why the hell am I whispering?] I’m an intelligent being with outside interests and an intellect besides. And if Mister Man thinks I’m gonna bake bonbons 24/7 and do nothing other than shine Big Daddy’s shoes and say “Yes, Dear” to his every whim and fancy, well…He’s got another thing coming.
Maybe.
I have questions about what it is exactly that men want their wives to do. I mean, if I was to stay home...
You know what? I think I need to worry about answering those questions when and if I meet my husband. (But it would be good to get a dialogue going. Maybe I should develop a survey.)
Most importantly, though…As old fashioned as some of my domestic aspirations may be, I am no man’s Stepford Wife.
Or am I...?
No matter.
Either way, I do not intend to align myself with a fool: I recall reading an online post by a woman who was upset with her FH. The reason? He wanted her to be a stay at home wife and mother. He was adamant. Yet fiscally, there was no way that they could afford it.
God may have created men and women. He also created common sense.
Conversely, I don’t have any trouble with working outside of the home. It all depends on who God brings into my life.
4) I’m beyond being worried about being unwanted. I believe deeply that God has someone out there for me. If not, then…I’ll cross that bridge.
5) I agree. I DO think that young Christian men and women are afraid of each other. I don’t think that many of us (them) have realistic expectations. There are, however, plenty of fanciful, unrealistic ideas.
I'd wager that people are torn regarding where our priorities lie. We are in the world, yet not to be of it. Therein lies the challenge.
6) I’m concerned about our inability to work together and see each other as human beings. (I say “our” having been just as guilty as anyone else.) I know there’s talk of the world’s objectification of the sexes, particularly women. Well…I think that Christian culture objectifies men and women as well.
This goes back to my remark elsewhere about those who don’t want to relate unless they’re going to have relations...
*sigh*
7) Sex as “the big bad”. Obsessed with? Yes. Afraid of? Bah! As Todd would say, “Bring it!!” :p
On a more serious note I think that young people these days don’t give sex the respect it deserves. A friend of mine recently scared and disappointed me with a reality check concerning sex. Namely, that Christian men pressure their girlfriends. (Or maybe they pressure each other?? I don't have a clue.) Quite frankly, I find this quite off-putting. I don't believe in pre-marital sex. Previously, I'd taken it for granted that all evangelicals felt the same way.
In this season of new-found community, I have come to feel safe. I remember when I fist joined my church, only one of my pastors was married. I found comfort in that idea....I had faith in the notion that finding a godly man was possible. “There is someone out there for me who respects my morals…”
This is not to say that I am a hormone-less waif, bereft of any and all urges. Quite the contrary.
Yet I’ll tell you one thing. I don’t want a man who loves himself more than he loves God.
8) We need to view each other as whole human beings.
9) There are three points I’d like to address here: a) I shudder at the idea of dating. (And no, not because of
I Kissed Dating Goodbye.) b)Lord willing, I’m not going to have sex ‘til I’m married. And c) I’m used to being alone.
Beyond the points which I responded directly to above, I was led to a deeper question:
Why do I want a husband?
I challenge anyone reading this—ask yourself: WHY do you want a husband or wife? Is it because like an education, steady income, and internet access, we think companionship is something we’re entitled to? Is a spouse a right, rather than a God-given privilege? Is it ‘cause, hey, “It’s about time?”
(You can’t get away with running your life on your schedule. When it comes to matters such as love and marriage, God’s controlling the Palm Pilot.)
Or is it because there’s a love in your heart that you long to give, to share with someone else? To grow in grace and in God, together.
(That may sound corny. But I mean it sincerely.)
*sigh*
When it comes to relationships, I believe that a new model needs to be established. Taking a page from
Kerri Pomarolli and
Lauren Winner…Not every Christian couple hooks up fresh out of high school. I’m just becoming aware of the nuances of relationships. (If I continue to write on this topic, please bear with me. I'm a bit naive. But at least I'm honest.)
I firmly believe that many single Christian men and women—from their mid twenties into their thirties and beyond—do not have enough of the support that they require.
